Pretty Parties. They are all the rage. Blogs, magazines, books, retailers, and party professionals all dedicated to making us the hostesses with the most-est-es. Starting with an invitation followed by the perfect party refreshment shaken to match the theme, a 5 star menu, tablescapes replete with mixed and matched china, custom linens, flowers or balloons or cacti – whatever the latest decor rage happens to be. Don’t forget the music ( a band, a dj, a playlist). Oh, throw in something handmade to give it that “personal touch”. Some parties hire photographers to capture all these details..and few pictures of the guests might be nice. Sometimes, a social mag will be there to document the affair. Of course, the hostess with the most-est will coordinate her outfit with the theme of the party right down to her freshly painted pedicure.
I’ve had the opportunity to attend some of the prettiest parties one could imagine and many more that would never catch the attention of any magazine editor. The latter have often left more of an impression on my spirit. You see, in all the planning, the decision making, the one detail that cannot be purchased is the disposition of the hostess.
Anyone can be a hostess. Not everyone can be a gracious hostess.
When I looked up a definition of gracious this is what I discovered.
Gracious is: generosity of spirit, pleasing and acceptable, marked by kindness, graceful, merciful, compassionate, characterized by charm & good taste, godly
Let’s chew on that first one – Generosity of spirit.
A gracious hostess gives freely. It means she puts her desires second ( Ladies, notice I said desires not needs). Meanwhile, the gracious hostess anticipates the needs of others. If all of these little “details” and “special touches” are self driven in a ”look at me and what I can do” spirit. The party often falls flat. If guests are allergic to the menu or the bathrooms are deemed “off limits” or if it’s an outdoor event in the pouring down, freezing rain – How fun is that party?
The Angler and I were invited to attend an amazing out of town party a few years ago. ( I don’t want to reveal too much info, as I hope to attend again someday.) Let’s just say, this is a party known to end all parties. I was riddled with anticipation. To me , it was more than Christmas, Birthday and Jimmy Choos wrapped together. When we arrived, I was sure I was on the set of a movie. Everywhere we turned we were in awe of the details. details. details.
We were in awe, that is, until the rain started falling and the ground we were standing on for this outdoor shindig became mushy. Then, we just wanted shelter. There were a few tents where guests scrambled to assemble. The rains fell harder. Small streams of water became rivers cutting through the ground beneath the tents. Rumors circulated amongst the rain-soaked guests that there was never a “plan b” for rain. The Event chair was confident it just would NOT rain. ( I appreciate her positivity . I really do. The Angler and I had an outdoor wedding reception. I get it.) As the rains continued to fall, guests became less ready to celebrate and more ready to go home and put on their jammies. While the event chair and her fellow hostesses scrambled to form a plan b, a mass exit of guests was underway.
That’s when the major snafu happened .
The valets had parked guests’ cars in a nearby field – a nearby murky, water drenched field. Luckily, we had driven our trusty, embarrassingly OLD vehicle. Our full time 4 wheel drive truck was one of the first ones out of the muck. Praise Jesus! We left the legendary party chilled to the bone, soaked and thankful for our “classic” Cruiser – passing a Bentley or two still stuck in the field. (Side note- this was also a “Be thankful for what you got” moment) The next morning, stories circulated about port o’ potty’s that overflowed, fur coats destroyed, custom made shoes ruined, folks who spent the night in their cars, and desperate debutantes who lost all home training when they called tow trucks and tractors with their Black Amex in hand to “GET THEM the #$& OUT!”
Interviews with the event chair later revealed her good intentions. She had run a tight ship with all the details covered. She had a great crew of volunteers helping her throw this amazing bash. The weather was her one variable. BUT- She wanted to have that party in that particular field because it was important to her. It held sentimental value …to her.
If the rain had not of fallen and the event went off without a hitch, the chair’s one wee bit of self serving would have never been noticed.
She would’ve been deemed a gracious hostess.
But the rains did fall.
And that teeny tiny desire to put herself first left party goer’s scarred with memories of the “the disaster in the pasture”
I’m in no way knocking this poor gal. I feel so badly for her. All that work and all that effort. I’ve been there. I’ve slipped in a selfish desire or two. Haven’t you?
Maybe it wasn’t a party or major social event. Maybe it was something at the office – a project you were asked to lead. Maybe it was a bible study at your church. Maybe it was the kiddo’s class program. Have you spent hours working on something bigger than you with all the good intentions of the world and thought perhaps one little selfish thing would be ok to slip in? In that one act did you compromise an environment where others could be comfortable and succeed?
Gracious leadership is much like being a gracious hostess. A gracious leader will keep an eye on the bigger picture while attending to details. A gracious leader puts her wants and personal desires second.
A gracious leader desires others to succeed and will create an environment for success.
A gracious leader anticipates the needs of others.
This week’s Table Topic: Do you anticipate the needs of others?
Are you generous in spirit?
Are you planning ahead? Are all the details covered?
What about when the rains fall, is your team covered?
Will selfishness be revealed?
I challenge us this week to think of where and how we can anticipate the needs of others wherever we are?
We ended that night at my friend’s house. When we arrived, the Angler and I made a beeline to the guest room to change out of our wet clothes. A few minutes later we could smell coffee brewing. We headed downstairs to find a grocery store dessert my sweet friend had grabbed on our way home. She warmed it in her microwave. Dessert is not her thing, but it’s ours. She would’ve been fine without it. She was thinking of us – anticipating our needs.
There we were after this glam event in our plain old duds in her living room drinking hot coffee, eating generic cake, engrossed in conversation. No social mag was there to write about it. No pics were taken. You’ll have to take my word for it.
It was one of the best little parties ever.
