tuesday’s child: my nightstand

For the next forty days, many of you will be giving up something important to you.  If you are a traditionalist, lent will be a time for you to decrease your caloric intake by eating less meat or avoiding sweets. For you modern whippersnappers, you may give up social media  – facebook or twitter -  in an effort to reconnect to those people who are actually sitting across the room from you.  Whatever you choose, Lent is a time to “let go”.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that “letting go” is not one of my strengths.  I’m fiercely loyal and sentimental.  I married my first boyfriend.  We live in our first house ( ten years later).  The house is filled with random pieces of furniture of no great value except they were my grandmother’s.  I’ve had the same best friend since 5th grade. The other friends I’ve picked up along the way will always be friends.   Once I’ve picked you for my team – as a job or a friend – you are there to stay.  At least that is what I thought – until this year.

You see,  my Lenten season has lasted far longer than forty days.  I’ve had a Lenten year.  I’ve let go of my career, my title, my paycheck.  I’ve let go of being in charge.  I’ve let go of being in the spotlight.  I’ve let go of having a clear cut plan.  I’ve let go of my high expectations.  I’ve cleared my calendar and let go of the fast paced life I love. And I’ve had to let go of a few friendships. In the process some friends let go of me.    I’ll be honest.  At first, many of these things, I did not release. I had a white knuckle grasp on most.  Then I realized, my hands were so full of all of this “stuff”,  I couldn’t hold the life I really wanted ~  a life of contentment, of peace, of rest.

image courtesy of http://citified.blogspot.com/

Every night  I tuck myself into bed with a book, a magazine, (or my iPhone).  As my eyes grow tired,  I put that book, magazine (or iPhone) on my night stand.  I lay it down.  I let it go.  I rest.   The next morning I wake up,  my hands are empty and open and ready for the day.   That’s how I’m trying to live life now.    Laying down as much as I can, so I can rest.   Saying no and Letting go, is not easy.   I remind myself, when the time comes, I’ll be thankful for the rest.  I’ll be glad I was able to finally let go.  I want to be ready to say “YES!” and grab on with BOTH hands to the ONE thing I’m called to do…whatever that is.   It’s been an extremely difficult lesson to learn, but it is one I hope I never let go.

“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.  ³He restoreth my soul”   – Psalm 23: 2-3